With a Narcissist, What You See is Not What You'll Get!
Narcissists (particularly covert narcissists) are master manipulators who have perfected the art of showmanship—and gamesmanship. In a nutshell, with these wolves in sheep's clothing, what you think you see is *not* what you get.
The Illusion: What You See
Image and appearances are everything to the narcissist. By projecting an image of infallibility, confidence, success, charm, and attractiveness, these self-serving individuals ensure ongoing narcissistic supply (attention, admiration, power, and dominance) to feed their insatiable egos and fill the "hole in their soul." This is how they keep their deep-seated and denied inner shame at bay. By pretending to be someone and something they're not, they convince themselves and others that they truly are superior beings.
The Ugly Truth
Unfortunately, what lies underneath this shiny exterior is something much darker, much more sinister. Narcissists are exploitative (they use and abuse), entitled, and lacking in empathy. They present a false front of charm, charisma, confidence (or, in the case of the vulnerable narcissist, eternal victimhood to earn your pity) to lure you in during the early love bombing phase of the relationship, only to then gradually and insidiously turn on you with devaluing behaviors such as criticism, nitpicking, belittling, and neglect. Ouch. You find yourself wondering:
WTF is going on?
Who is this cruel and demeaning person in front of me?
What happened to the loving, attentive, adoring person I thought I knew?
What You Get
The sad truth is that you never did know the narcissist's true self, only their false front, their façade. The "little man behind the curtain" will always remain hidden by the outsized persona they project out into the world. Their mask of invincibility and their chameleon-like personality enables the narcissist to fool unsuspecting others into doing their bidding. Let the games begin! As I said, with a narcissist, it's all about showmanship and gamesmanship, never about genuine connection, depth, or true concern about anyone other than themselves.
If you've found yourself in a relationship with someone whose actions don't match their words, or whose inconsistent behavior has you scratching your head trying to figure out whether they're a "good witch" or a "bad witch," you may well be dealing with a narcissist.
Because with a narcissist, what you think you see in the beginning is not what you'll get in the end. And that, my friend, is the sad—and ugly—truth.
The end.