Manipulation is a deliberate and calculated set of behaviors designed to influence or control another person's thoughts, emotions, or actions, typically for the manipulator's own benefit and often at the expense of the victim's well-being. Narcissists are master manipulators. It’s all about power, dominance, and control in their book, and they rely on various underhanded tactics to maintain their image of superiority, to exploit others, to avoid accountability, and to prevent exposure of their deep underlying shame.
Some of the classic tricks of the narcissist’s trade include:
Gaslighting: Getting their victim to question and doubt their own perceptions
Love Bombing: Turning on the charm in the beginning of the relationship to ensnare their victims before turning on them with ongoing criticism, belittling, and neglect, i.e., devaluing
Emotional Blackmail: Using overt or subtle threats of abandonment or rejection
Guilt: Playing on the victim’s guilt or pity to ensure their loyalty
Blame Shifting: Turning the tables on the victim to avoid accountability of any wrongdoing
Projection: Accusing others of what they themselves are guilty of, e.g., “I just know you’re cheating on me.”
Triangulation: Introducing a third person into the relationship to trigger their partner’s jealousy or insecurity
Future Faking and Moving the Goalposts: Making false promises they never intend to keep, and increasing demands on their victims to ensure they’ll keep spinning their wheels trying to meet them
Intermittent Reinforcement: Alternating kindness with cruelty, attention with indifference, compliments with criticism to keep the victim off-balance as they spin their wheels hoping for more of the “good stuff.”
Withholding attention, affection, communication, and positive feedback to keep the victim feeling insecure, not good enough, and desperate
These are all abusive tactics narcissists engage in meant to destabilize their victims. If you’re on the receiving end of this surreptitious abuse, you may find yourself feeling confused, anxious, unworthy, unsure of yourself, as you desperately struggle to figure out WTF is going on. Educate yourself and be on the lookout for these manipulative tactics. Awareness is the first step to disengaging from these toxic situations.