Hoovering

Hoovering is the stage in the cycle of narcissistic abuse where the narcissists attempts to suck you back into the relationship once it appears you are moving on. This stage in the cycle often follows the discard stage.

While hoovering doesn’t happen in every narcissistic relationship, it’s common enough that it’s considered the fourth stage in the cycle of narcissistic abuse. Narcissists may attempt to pull their victims back into a relationship for various reasons. They may enjoy the power of reeling their victims back in, only to discard them again. They may be trying to keep their options open for the future. They may have become disillusioned with a new relationships. They may have discovered their new source of narcissistic supply isn’t as satisfying. They may be in need of an injection of attention or emotional energy because they have been abandoned or rejected by their new partner.

Hoovering often appears as another round of love bombing. It may be false promises of change, future faking, or even playing upon the victim’s guilt by appearing needy or downtrodden.

Hoovering plays upon the victim’s hopes for the relationship, enabling them to continue the charade and avoid the pain that comes with a breakup or the loss of dreams. But, beware! If you’re being hoovered by a narcissist, you’re just putting off the inevitable. Zebras don’t change their stripes, and neither do narcissists.