Trauma Bonding

Trauma Bonding is the addictive attachment between a victim and their abuser, making it difficult for the victim to break free.

Narcissists are incredibly adept at using the tactic of intermittent reinforcement, sprinkling acts of kindness and caring with neglect or outright cruelty. This leads to a release of biological chemicals in the victim, setting them up for "addiction" to the relationship and to the abuser themselves. The lure of the "highs" is so powerful the victim tolerates increasingly abusive behavior from the narcissist, finding it difficult to break free. The victim feels a strong emotional attachment to their abuser, despite the cruelty. They may not recognize the pattern as manipulative, because the good times somehow erase or minimize the bad. They may vacillate between feeling hopeful and optimistic with feeling fearful, confused, and uncertain. In other words, they don't know what to think! Narcissistic relationships are truly crazy-making.

Breaking free from this cycle of abuse is difficult—but doable. Here are some steps that can help:

• Recognize and acknowledge that you're in a trauma-bonded relationship.

• Educate yourself about this toxic and manipulative dynamic. You need to know what you're dealing with!

• Seek help from a mental health professional with expertise in trauma and abusive relationships.

• Go No Contact with the abuser when possible.

• Connect with other survivors of narcissistic abuse who can validate your experience and support you as you go through the inevitable "withdrawal" from the addiction.

• Set and enforce personal boundaries to avoid getting sucked back in by temptation.

• Put your energy and focus back onto you and your healing.

• Keep a "Shit List" of the narcissist's actions and behaviors that harmed you, so you don't get caught up in euphoric recall.

• Be patient. This toxic bond didn't develop overnight. It will take time and persistence to break free from it.

• While breaking free from any addiction is never easy, and there may be setbacks along the way, don't forget to be kind and compassionate with yourself as you navigate this challenging terrain.

There is light at the end of this dark tunnel!