How Creativity and Play Can Help Us Heal from Narcissistic Abuse
Recovering from narcissistic abuse is a challenging journey of self-rediscovery. While traditional healing methods are valuable, the power of creativity and play in the healing process is often overlooked. This post explores how embracing our creative side can be a transformative tool in reclaiming our identity and joy after narcissistic abuse.
Feeling Lost after Narcissistic Abuse: Who am I?
After twenty years of an emotionally abusive marriage, I had lost sight of who I was, what I loved, what lit me up, and why I even mattered. My self-esteem had been whittled away by my ex's constant criticisms, belittling, and neglect. I had become a mere shell of my former self. I was drained, depleted, exhausted-- and lost. (There's a reason narcissistic abuse is considered to be "death by a thousand cuts.")
Like many survivors of narcissistic abuse, I had a pervasive feeling of being "not good enough." I felt unworthy, unlovable, hopelessly flawed, and full of self-doubt. I was filled with shame and self-blame. I'd spent years self-sacrificing, self-silencing, and playing small—all to keep the peace in a relationship I mistakenly thought I could not survive without. (This is textbook trauma bonding.)
When my ex-husband left for the fourth time (after three successful "hoover" maneuvers during which he'd managed to suck me back in), I knew I had to rediscover who I was. Naturally, I turned to the usual healing modalities: Therapy, journaling, exercise, support from loved ones, and loads of books on healing, narcissism, and emotional abuse. All of which I highly recommend. But something was missing… I had yet to discover the healing power of creativity, self-expression, and play.
My Journey of Self-Rediscovery—And My Rediscovery of Creativity and Play
I was an avid scrapbooker in those years. But, like everything else in my life, even that was about others, not myself. (My three sons have some beautiful albums, I'm proud to say.) It was around this time I happened to come across a ready-to-be-embellished curio box at my local art store. Hmmm… This could be something fun to play with, I thought. Play? Play? Play was a novel and long-forgotten concept, but why not give it a go? What did I have to lose? I was at rock bottom already, and as my Aunt Bernice likes to say, "The only way from here is up."
So, beaten down though I was, I decided it was time to do a deep dive into getting back in touch with Me: Who was I? What did I love? What mattered most to me? What did I want to focus on in my life? What was I most proud of? These were all questions I'd long lost sight of in the process of becoming engulfed by the toxic and all-consuming world of my dominating narcissistic ex. Because here's the thing: If you're with a narcissist, all the focus is on them, not you. Learning to turn the focus back onto ourselves is vitally important in our healing and recovery… I can't stress this enough!
The Therapeutic Curio Box
I began to collect tiny objects that symbolized and represented aspects of me and my life that I'd decided I needed to rediscover, reinforce, and reclaim, the things that made me Me, the things that I valued most, and the things that brought my life meaning and gave me joy. In other words, everything I'd buried for far too long.
Interestingly, just collecting the items for my curio box was already therapeutic. It was finally all about me! I found I'd stumbled onto a new means of self-exploration and self-expression, something for and about me and me only, something the narcissist could never take from me. My curio box thus became a therapeutic—and fun-- visual journal of sorts. (And journaling, as you may know, is a valuable adjunct in self-discovery and healing.)
The Role of Creativity and Play in Healing
What is it about creativity, making art, and play that helps us heal?
Self-discovery and self-expression: Creativity aids in expressing emotions that are often difficult to verbalize.
Mindfulness: Engaging our senses keeps us grounded in the present moment, reducing rumination about the past or worries about the future.
Increased self-awareness: Creative expression can help us gain new insights into our thoughts, feelings, and experiences.
Storytelling and connection: Sharing our experiences through art establishes community and reduces feelings of isolation.
Fun and joy: Play helps us reconnect with our inner child and rediscover unadulterated joy.
Neuroplasticity: Engaging in artistic endeavors helps develop new neural pathways, aiding in problem-solving and resilience.
A Doctor's Prescription for Play
So get going! Make art, make music, dance, cook, write, garden, take an improv class (it's fun, I promise!) Get goofy. Try something new—or rediscover something you used to love and have long forgotten. Buy yourself a new watercolor set. Pull out your old guitar. Or pick up an unembellished curio box to fill with goodies that remind you of who you are and what you love.
The bottom line is—Creativity cures. Humor heals. And play is the way. So, play away! (Doctor's orders.)