Have you noticed how you can be having a good day, perhaps getting good feedback or compliments on a project, a new hairstyle, etc., then someone comes along with criticism or negative remarks, and poof! All those good feelings magically disappear, and you begin questioning and doubting yourself, indulging in thoughts like, "Who do I think I am anyway?" Or, "I'm no good. I'll never get this right."
Why is this? The tendency to fixate on the negative is not a personal flaw or a sign of weakness. It's actually a survival mechanism that has been ingrained in our brains as a survival mechanism.
Our ancestors needed to be hyper-aware of threats to survive, and this vigilance has been passed down to us. While it served us well in a world full of physical dangers, in our modern lives, this negativity bias can lead to unnecessary stress, anxiety, and a skewed perception of reality.
The Power of Neuroplasticity
Well, it turns out our brains are prone to something known as a "negativity bias." In a nutshell, our brains latch onto negative experiences like Velcro, and dismiss positive ones like Teflon.
There's an evolutionary explanation for this. While pleasant experiences feel good, our survival, both individually and as a species, is not dependent upon them. When it comes to threats, however, (i.e., negative experiences), if we don't have the tools to deal with them, we're toast.
Thus we need to be alert and tuned into any potential threats, and we need our tribe to help us survive. Because ostracization is deadly. Belonging means survival. Rejection means death.
The good news? Our brains have the ability to rewire to a degree. This is known as neuroplasticity. Like building muscle, we can train our brains to be more attuned and attentive to the good in our lives. This not only makes us feel happier and more contented, brings us peace, and lifts our spirits, it's like having money in the bank when it comes to dealing with the tough times. In other words, this ability helps us build confidence and resilience, helps us self-soothe, and helps us put things into perspective. In a nutshell, we're able to counterbalance the bad feelings of a negative experience by drawing upon the good feelings from positive experiences.
Understanding neuroplasticity gives us hope and empowers us to take an active role in shaping our mental landscape. By consciously focusing on positive experiences and cultivating gratitude, we can gradually shift our default mode from negativity to positivity. This doesn't mean ignoring real problems or pretending everything is perfect. Rather, it's about creating a more balanced perspective that allows us to appreciate the good while effectively dealing with challenges.
"Taking in the Good"
Rick Hanson, PhD, has created a powerful technique he calls "Taking in the Good." This practice is a practical application of neuroplasticity, designed to help us rewire our brains for greater happiness and resilience. Here's how it works:
Look for and focus on positive experiences. These can be anything, large or small: A pleasant interaction with a loved one, a great cup of coffee in the morning, waking up feeling refreshed after a great night's sleep, a challenging but satisfying workout, etc. These experiences are everywhere—we just need to train ourselves to notice them and not let them just float off into thin air with minimal attention.
Savor the feelings or the experience. Bring your full awareness and attention to them. Breathe fully into the sensations, letting them fully settle into your body. (It's like the difference between eating mindlessly vs really noticing how great your food tastes.) Spend at least 10-20 seconds fully focused on the wonderful sensations filling you up.
Allow the sensations to intensify and fully soak in, allowing them to really absorb into your body. (Think of the sensation of warm sunshine on your face or a soothing cup of hot tea… You get the picture.) This helps establish new neural pathways and memories in your brain—you're rewiring!
If you choose, you can link these comforting and pleasant feelings with a past painful experience by keeping the positive experience bright and in the foreground and the negative experience dim and in the background. This can help you heal by linking and replacing the memories of old wounds with good feelings and with pleasant and more current experiences. (Note: If you feel triggered by this, please let the negative experience go for now. The point of the exercise is to feel good, not get re-triggered.)
"Taking in the Good" is a powerful, yet simple technique we can do anytime, anywhere. Practice it several times a day, whenever possible. And, please remember: It's not about being "Pollyanna" or whitewashing or glossing over the tough times, it's about building a better, stronger, more Bionic brain to help us get through them!
By consistently practicing this technique, we can gradually shift our brain's default setting from negativity to positivity. This doesn't mean we'll never experience negative emotions or face challenges. Instead, we're building a reservoir of positive experiences that we can draw upon during difficult times, enhancing our overall resilience and well-being.
Remember, changing our brain's wiring is a process that requires patience and consistency. Be kind to yourself as you embark on this journey of rewiring your brain. Celebrate small victories and don't be discouraged by setbacks. With time and practice, you'll find yourself naturally noticing and savoring the good in your life, creating a more balanced and positive outlook.
So, why not start right now? Take a moment to notice something positive in your environment or recall a pleasant experience from today. Breathe it in, savor it, and let it soak into your being.
You're already on your way to building a better, more resilient brain!