Bait and Switch

Bait and switch is a technique used by narcissists to lure you in and ensnare you with a picture-perfect vision of themselves and the relationship's potential—the "bait". Unfortunately, once you've bought into this idealized and false illusion, the rug is pulled out from under you—the "switch."

The baiting cycle begins when the narcissist uses love bombing to draw you in with charm, flattery, attention, affection, and shiny objects. The switch aiting is gradually replaced with criticism, belittling, neglect, and other devaluing behaviors. This change leaves you feeling bewildered, emotionally drained, and caught up in trying to recapture "the way we were" (see euphoric recall).

Escaping the narcissist's alluring web means recognizing that the fantasy was, in fact, just that—a fantasy. There was no true magic, only smoke and mirrors, an illusion and a delusion. Facing this reality is devastating and painful, but it's necessary to break free from the clutches of this wolf in sheep's clothing.

It's important to remember: If you're dealing with a narcissist, what you see is not what you get.